lost and found

“You’re beautiful” and I’ve lost myself. I am nothing but those words, nothing more than these complex feelings you’ve brought to me, packaged into two small words.

And then another three: “I love you.”

You have found me.

dusk

She danced on the fringes of moonlight, stars twinkling in her hands. The moon sat atop her head in a Milky Way diadem, night sky clouds drifting through her eyes.

He stood at the edge of daylight, molten lava flowing around him. Mountains formed behind him, lions stood beside him, sunlight shone from his eyes.

Their hands, lips, bodies met in the dusk. In that time when the world is neither day nor night. Neither hers, nor his.

And to this day, those that looked to the sky swore they saw fireworks.

every february, you'll be my valentine

There once was a girl who loved too easily and got her heart broken

She wasn't that smart, and kept falling for the wrong guys

Ones that hurt her, that couldn't be the guy she wanted - or needed

Another and another still would promise her love and everything else

But they lied

Then, one day, she said "Forget this" and shut herself in a tower

Until, you know, that one guy (I forget his name) found his way in

And then it was happily ever after

stop the press, everything a mess

...I need to write.
I need to sleep.
I need to let you know.
Need to let all these emotions out.
Get that load off my chest.
Figure out what's yours and mine.
Get rid of the skeletons and ghosts.
Fall and hit the ground.
See birds flying by, celebrate.
Lie on a merry-go-round and dream.
Careless whispers.
Becoming what we long to be.
Knowing secrets, forgetting pasts.
Being.
Breathing.
Wanting love.
Needing love.
Becoming love.
What can I do?

don't let me fall

One of my friends told me to just sit down, empty my brain, and write down what I thought. Here's what I got:

Love is gonna free us

Conversations bleeding day and night together

Ringtones foretelling doom and pain

Bright sun, dim inside

Turn down the voices in my head

Alice fell down that hole looking for herself and found Hatter instead

So if I’m Alice, what does that make you?

Eat the cake, drink the wine

Change yourself to fit the mold

It’s pouring in the sunlight and warm in the dark

Hearts, minds, feeling synchronizing

Feeling together and apart

Wanna curl up in bed, go stand on the roof and scream, pretend happiness

Wish you felt something

Don’t let me fall

Catch me if you trip

Are you thinking of me?

Disjointed thoughts, pictures, ideas swirling around to make sense

Watching stars collide and painting roses

Feeling as lost as she

World’s upside down, taste the cake, sip the wine, give in

Don’t let me lose myself

I won’t let you

So why do we argue what is real? What feels right? What is true?

Opposites attract after all, so work at it

Make it work

Fall down the hole

kdl = :)

I love me my ☼dora♥

She's my go-to poetry person, the "old soul" of all of us. And the first phone call when I found out this:

I WON A POETRY CONTEST <3

It's through the local library, only open to HS students, and I was 2nd out of 10. I feel amazing. And, as I was looking through the old blog posts, I realized I never shared this one, even though I wrote it last summer. (Yes, it's about B if any of you remember him) So, without further adu, "holding back"

[x]

She holds back the words

That itch to be released
That would tell how she feels
About him

Things that are better said
Face-to-face
Not through a text message.
Things that are terrifying

Things that she means,
Lord knows,
But that she’s too afraid
To say.

To say such things like,
“Come back to me”,
“Be safe”,
Or “I love you”.

That she needs to have him hear
From her tongue,
Not with the metallic taste the phone
Would lend to the words

remember...

take my small hands in your larger ones now
take my cares away and help me unwind
take my worries and stress far away
help me to remember who I am

whisper prayers into my small ears now
whisper lies and truths to make me believe
whisper tales of foreign lands, near and far
help me remember who I am

hold me close, chase away the nightmares now
hold my love in you cupped palms for me
hold it until my broken heart is healed
help me remember who I am

tell me imaginative tales of us
tell me how you love my blush, my shy smile
tell me how I love the light in your eyes
help me remember who I am

petals fall

Sitting at a keyboard,
Needing him to call
(Break the monotony);
Terrified he will

Needing solace
And a confirmation
That this is real
And I am sane

Or even the worst.
Tell me.
Yes or no,
Either way

But don’t leave.
Don’t let me wonder
Or let the thoughts wander
And wish for tomorrow

(even if I long for yesterday)

He loves me.
He loves me not.
Fortunes told through
Red carnation petals

What happens when I get to the last?
Which will it be?
He holds the answer
And I can’t know

Until he decides,
Lets me know if
My heart is broken
Or it’s finally free.

Homecoming?

It's that time of year again, and with it comes all those fall feelings.
Like that first football game of the season, and that first magical dance of the year.
All the girls are prepping, dressing up in a small town where no one will see them.
Everyone's on edge, waiting for that special 'someone' to ask them to dance.
Everyone's flocking to the homecoming game, hoping this is the game we actually win.
Every girl is dressed to the nines, watching the clock and feeling butterflies.
'What if he's late?' followed up by 'What if he doesn't even show?'
Calm down, take a deep breath.
He'll come, it'll be great, and you'll get that one dance that makes the rest of your year.
I promise.

This is Reality....

This -
this breath
this moment
this tune -
is what life is about.

One moment it
rises
soars
finds purchase in the world
the next it falls

Falls
into the darkness
into awkward silences
into my memories
as you slip away

Where did you go?
Why did you leave?
Why am I left here,
wondering all of the
"what if's"?

How is it that one moment
can be so infinatly different than another?
That you can change
all in the space of 60 seconds?
That I can screw it up and
land flat on my face?

Sigh as the thoughts flow
and my mind starts to numb.
The simple truth is:
I have no idea

No idea about you
or what's in the future.
But I'm willing to wait
and try.

----------

I'm sure you know what (and who) I'm talking about, Abigailxx.

Moments...

Words
Don’t seem to help,
To say what I need them to,
To tell you
The truth

The truth
Behind every action,
Every thing I say.
Every insignificant
Moment

It hurts.
To know that
We both want this so badly
Yet neither will
Make the move

Sure there are moments.
Whenever we’re together
Being the number one
On the list of
My favorites

But you?
I can never tell
Exactly what you mean
Or what’s going through
Your mind

It’s maddening.
Every moment
A mystery
Every word from your mouth
Mesmerizing and insignificant

Everything blends together:
Conversations, laughs
Moments we both cherish.
But what about you?
Do you remember them?

I remember every one.
Every second
Minute
Hour
Day

I hope you do too

Shattered Hearts (companion to Scattered Letters)

Hearts shatter every second
So why is heartbreak so painful?
So full of sadness and tears?

Glass breaks, shatters, cracks.
Why must hearts be made of glass,
When it’s so obviously breakable?

Thoughts such as these
Are stemmed from rainy days,
Lovely smiles and chocolate-chip cookies.

Smiles that can mend a heart
(if put to the correct use)
Or cause a broken one even more pain.

I see one of those smiles
And try to forget it so
I may go about my day.

It’s no use.
It stays hidden in my thoughts all day,
Popping up when least expected.

Although it’s not unpleasant,
It does remind me of another
And times spent not-so-long ago.

The owner of this smile is…
Well, that’s the hard part.
Am I dreaming of perfection, or is it really him?

Is he really who I think,
Or is my imagination acting up again
As it’s apt to do?

Sigh as the comparisons draw closer
Until I’m not sure which one is which
And who it is I wish I were with

Someone One or Someone Two
Or some strange combination of both?
Possibly something different altogether?

Whatever the imagery in my mind,
It’s not likely to become truth
Unless I take the initiative and run.

Scattered Letters

Words scatter themselves across my page
But all I can do is sip my coffee
And sigh

The words can try and arrange themselves
Into sentences that make sense the tangle of my mind
But it’s to no avail

For if I cannot do so myself, how can they?
If I cannot make sense of my own thoughts
Then how could words flowing from my fingers?

All I want is a simple way to explain.
Explain how I feel, why he affects me so,
Why my heart skips whenever he is mentioned

How a single glance can make my day
Or how a glare could make me want to crawl into bed
Or even how the memory of his laugh makes me feel better.

Sigh again as the frustration starts anew.
Frustration stemmed from sadness, loneliness
And all those butterflies.

Taking my mug and standing from the booth,
I tuck the letters into my pocket and
Try to move on with my life

The street outside is crowded with people
Going about their lives as per usual.
Ignoring one another.

Few heads seem familiar, but
I think I glimpse that Special One in particular.
Second glance proves me wrong.

Is it sad that I see him everywhere I go?
Sad that I want what I know I’ll never have?
That I could never deserve?

From my pocket a letter suddenly flies.
I watch it dance with the wind, swooping
Swirling, spiraling with every current.

I want to run after it, but it’s useless.
After all, it was one from him
And I need to forget, though I know I can’t.

Fearful

the words dash
across the page
seemingly without me

fears all flee
contentment sets in,
the story begins

words flow through
fingers now ache
from thing unspoken

the sky darkens,
the rain starts,
the kettle whistles

story starts forming
characters become real
room starts spinning

~
Written spur-of-the-moment when I was bored in the computer lab. What do you Screamers think?

An Impossible Life

Today is impossible
I can not get by
I see you every where I go
And I am scared

Living without you
Is the hardest thing
I’ll ever do

I don’t know what to do,
Where to go,
To escape from
Everything that reminds me of you

I see someone walking
Is it you?
Or those shoes you always wore…
They whisper memories from their spot near me

I turn around
Startled by a sudden burst
Of our song on the radio
I imagine you are with me

I remember that horrible night
The words spoken and not
An apology on my tongue
That never got out

I rush to the phone
Punching in the familiar numbers
Will you answer?
My heart leaps in terror

You do!
“Hello?” from that velvet voice
I answer back,
Voice quiet and meek

“I’m sorry” I whisper
Tears falling for years.
“I was stupid, and
Selfish.”

You reassure me,
Get in the car.
Moments later,
You’re with me
Again.

~
Anyone had this happen to them before? And, if so, how did you cope? Did they come back, did you crumble, would you even admit you were stupid and selfish?

I wrote this originally for a novel I wanted to write using regular means and poetry infused within it. Hm...reading it over again makes me want to go write. Maybe I shall.

Forest

I fight through the trees
That threaten me.
I fight through my fears
That taunt me.
All to find
Solitude.


I run through the forest,
The forest of my fears,
To seek the hidden truths.
I see your face in my mind.
You’re calling out:
In fear?
In joy?
I can not tell.

In my forest,
My forest of fears,
Are you scared too?

~

~

The latest in my series of old poems.

Question: How do you deal with the things in life that scare you the most? ( things such as phobias, the future, etc. )

Onegai Shimasu [[Please Do It - For Me]]

The silence's glass surface breaks
As the scream pierces it.
When the sound dies,
So do I.

Frustration, sadness,anger...
They have welled up inside me
Wanting to get out

I scream again,feeling the tears fall
I hold myself together
As I slowly fall apart

Seconds ago I felt your touch
Now hundred years later I cry
"Come back!" I want to yell
But you've already left

"Onegai Shimasu," still on my tongue
I know you will not hear
But I whisper it anyhow.

Dream

“The dream…It is complex you see…” she mumbles.
“Not as much as you are,” he chuckles
“Yes, even more so.” She is reluctant, but she tells him.

The dreams that are her new reality
The world she’s built in her mind.
The tall, gothic buildings,
The overpowering trees.
A forest of her fears, and her fears alone
Not meant for him to see

But he does.
He sees the things she hides,
And the one thing she wanted to keep hidden
Forevermore

Her feelings.
She hides her head as she tells her tale.
“And then, they kissed.”
Her voice holds quiet longing.

But that is all it is:
Longing.
Longing that can never be cured,
Unless dreams become reality.


It occured to me ( via the wonderful Michael Holloway ) that I've neglected to put any poetry of mine on here yet. Must fix that, musn't we? So, here's the first installment with more to come soon!