18 February 2011

move along, nothing to see here but angst

I hate that I feel like you’re lying to me.
Why? Why do I think that or why do I hate it? 
I think it because…well, it’s rather simple. You have so much homework you’re going to be “chained to the wall”? Okay, well, you got the homework on Thursday/Friday and have until Tuesday/Wednesday to get it done and turned in.That’s 4 days. How much homework could you possibly have to need to take that long? And if you really have that much work, then why the hell are you going out with your friends tonight? Especially because the three of you will get no sleep, playing MTG and whatever else until 5 in the morning. That eliminates like all of Saturday for you to work, because you’ll be so dead and tired.
And, no offense, but you’re not in a single Honors or AP class. The work load for those are intense, and I’m in 2 with not a lot of homework. Working on one paper, and one performance. That’s all I have. But even if I had a lot, it wouldn’t stop me. Not so much that I’d have to give up time with you. I’d cram it all in, work into the night, if it meant seeing you.
I’m so insecure and scared, and you say you know that but you don’t seem to care. Because if you did, you would have realized that you told me it wasn’t gonna happen this week, and I sat at my computer and sobbed.
This has happened to me before, babe. 
The gradual release. Letting go slowly to “make it hurt less”.
It hurts more. Like a band-aid. If you rip it off fast, it at least hurts for less time. 
I’m in no means thinking this is an end. I’m just worried. It’s what I do.

16 February 2011

It started, as things like this do, with a kiss.

Not one that set off fireworks, nothing really of not to any onlookers. No, it was a near-kiss, placed clumsily on the side of her mouth.

The last day of 7th grade, the taste of freedom on the tip of her tongue.

That was the beginning. But it was also an end. See, she wasn’t that smart then, so she made a mistake and called it off.

Now, the montage of the next 3 years or so. The brief encounters, the sometimes rekindled crush every once and a while, the ever shrinking gap between their groups of friends.

Now, the fall of their junior year. She’s got that crush bug again, and it’s staying longer than ever before.

Enough that other people are noticing. In fact, her best friend blabs to him before she even knows how to tell him herself.

It’s amazing.

12 February 2011

well, does she want me to make it now?

So, today

  • Bought my prom dress
  • Got lace tights
  • Finished The Boy's Valentines present
  • ....found out said the Boy's grade suck, so he's not allowed out on Monday.

I am excited about prom and everything, but...Monday was supposed to be kinda a Big Deal. And now it's not even a Small Deal. In fact, it's practically a Non-Existent Deal.

I only get to see him at school that day.

Sucks :(

02 February 2011

The Vespertine

Another contest, screamers. This time, I could win $300 for a prom dress - I've already got my eye on one that I've been wishing for.
Wish me luck!!