28 February 2010

love notes reminding me.


Hearts mostly broke.

Rina's date turned out to be a dud - he ignored her and once she told him he blew his chance he was all, "Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me? -follows around like a puppy dog-" It was sad, really.

And A and I...don't get me into it. I still have absolutly no idea where we stand and last night confused me even more. He tried to make me jealous with a girl who literally believes she is a werewolf.

((The sad part is, it worked))

27 February 2010

i fall in love far too quickly....


you kissed me into ruins
sin on sin
now i've gotta love your love letters
written on my skin


Tonight's the night. Let's see some hearts break, some mend, and some start all over again.

24 February 2010

good days, they are a'coming?

Who knows?

But A was WAAAAAAY better today, and we're all pumped for Saturday, and the party @ Rina's is actually happening. (two words, my friends: fudge brownies. 'Nuff said.)


Oh, jeeze. They had some of the seniors talk to us about grinding, and *they* were the ones that were the worst at Homecoming. Nice, huh?

So, wish us luck. Me, for the awkwardness that's going to be there when you got to a dance with your ex, Rina for getting the guy at the end of the night

23 February 2010

[insert witty title]

So. A and I haven't talked since last week. And, yeah, maybe things are weird since we're going to Fling together even though we're not together, but he's acting like I broke up with him. Like I somehow ruined his plans. Even if I did, he could have said "No" to me when I asked him.

Whatever. I can't let this stress me out. I have to look good for Saturday, right?

Rina's doing my hair, which is nice since I never know what to do with it. Even if it curls up right, it looks like something tried to eat it. :/ So...I'll at least look nice, I guess.

21 February 2010

can't stop. won't stop. must be dreaming.

I hate dreams that show you what could be, but probably won't.

Had one last night where A. gave me this weird little anime cat thingie from Gamestop during Art Class. For some reason, I absolutely loved it (can't for the life of me remember what it looked like). Hugged him, and then pulled back to say "Thank you!" and he kissed me.

But we all know that won't happen.

He said it the other night - "I think it's best we stay friends, because, sure things would be different for a few weeks, but then they would just go back to the way they were." So...my 40% Rina was talking about? I think it's back down to 0%.

We are going to Spring Fling together, though. As "just friends"

Jeeze, I hate that "Just Friends" connotation. Makes it sound like we were never together, never had anything between us, and it just might happen at Fling. It's all filled with hopeless hoping.

But, Rina seems to think it's not hopeless. ::shrug:: She does know both sides of the story, so...who knows?

Here's to hoping (even if it's hopeless).

19 February 2010

letter of hope?

Maybe it'll all work out.

Maybe I did the right thing this time.

Maybe my best friends' are right.

Maybe there's hope for this after all.

18 February 2010

the party, part xxxi (31)

And our poor girl.

She doesn’t really know which way’s up, let alone what to do about this boy. Right now, she’d do just about anything to get him back. He means so much to her, even after all the crap that’s happened lately. She really believed him when he said he loved her, and that’s what makes all this hurt all the more.

After that horrid phone call, she talked to her friends extensively. And then dyed her hair a nice, dark brown, trying to show that she could be a new person without him. But, right now, as she types, she would give anything to turn back the clock and use what she knows now to help what she had (and turn her locks back to that crazy, 5 different shades of brown and blonde it was before).

She’s not heartbroken, not quite; she’s just…lost.

Lonely, scared, empty. A happy-go-lucky person on the outside, while on the inside she’s just trying not to cry. All she wants is to go back to when they were happy. She would give so much to have him be hers again. Everyone keeps saying, “He could be the right guy, but this might just be the wrong time.”

She doesn’t care. It’s a good enough time, and she knows that he loved her. That it wasn’t just something trivial. (Or at least she hopes so with every cell in her body). That he really meant all that he said, didn’t just make it all up.

It all just sucks.

That’s about how she can sum up everything, especially when her (sometimes) over-bearing friends continue to ask how she’s doing. “Suckish!” she grins, trying to get them to just drop it, “But I’ll be fine.” The ‘eventually’ is just assumed, since they all know she holds onto things, turns them over in her mind and figures out exactly what part went wrong.

She knows that if he wanted her back, she’d be there in a second. It might be pathetic, might be stupid and a waste of time, but she doesn’t care. It’s her life, after all, and her first love (???). She’s got to figure it all out on her own.

Or get hurt trying.

the party, part xxx (30)

The next month passes.

He says those three little words that carry so much meaning, and he actually means them. Makes her heart go into overdrive, her sense all go crazy, and her mind take a much needed vacation from freaking out over every little thing.

But it’s all not enough. Not enough to hold together something that keeps pulling at the stitches.

Yup, everyone, here’s the obligatory break up vent.

It’s two days after their two month anniversary. Things are going to crap faster by the minute, but she just thinks it’s a bad day. They were both in bad moods, she screwed up (???) and it’ll blow over. Like it always does. Because they are in love, and they’ll work things out because it all means too much to just throw away.

Or so she thinks. Before she can even get to her house after school, her cell’s buzzing. Thinking he’s calling to talk things out, kiss and make up, she’s actually excited for this phone call. Little could she have known that this would go down as one of the worst conversations.

Because, cliché as it all seems, he breaks up with her.

She cried for three hours afterward, talking to some of her closest girlfriends. As soon as the tears stop, though, she has the stupidity to check Facebook. And, of course, the first thing is her News Feed is “ . is Single” and her heart broke all over again. It was like an old wound got ripped open and salt rubbed in it.

She collects her wits, though, because she must, and soldiers through the next day. It goes surprisingly better than she could have ever imagined. She feels like she did before, happy and as content as she can be while still feeling numb inside.

And he likes it – suckish teenage romance, huh?


Is it sad that I'd throw away all of this, all their words of comfort and notions, just for one more chance?

17 February 2010

letters of regret, of broken stars and dropped promises

Dear universe, web watchers, friends that know the real me behind the keys,

Today has been utterly suckish. How so? I got my heart stepped on. Over the phone. About something I didn't even do - but something which I was still blamed for. It took me literally 3 hours to stop crying.

I want to ask him for his Valentines' Day present back, use the money to get something for me, but I won't. I'm not giving him Sparkie (the bear) back. Ever. Dude, me and that bear have bonded. He's mine, no matter what.

And I suppose I still want to be friends with A. I still care about him. Thought it was all...well, not love. Not yet. But something close.

It all just sucks. Never had a relationship last this long ((sad, isn't it?)), so it hurts so much more than I would have thought. Frankly, I knew this would happen sooner or later. I was just betting on the "later" bit.

And Fling is in 10 days. Have fun finding a date before then! Not.

At least I got some pretty amazing friends.

I got a phone call about 3 minutes after it went up on facebook, plus lots of offers to beat up/maim/render him unable to produce children and an offer from one of my girlies to go to Fling with her (I love you Mal!)

So...Let's see how tomorrow's class with him goes, I guess.

15 February 2010

"i swear i'd burn this city down to show you the light"

Two months, baby.

I can't believe it, not one little tiny bit. Two months of this crazy, beautiful, confusing thing. It's amazing, quite frankly, that this is actually happening and I'm *not* just dreaming. For the first month I almost convinced myself I was. But I'm not, and it's a great thing.

Went out for some highly unhealthy McDonald's breakfast and then a quick trip to Biggby (the coffee's just better there, no matter what you say) to celebrate, I guess. I don't know if A even realized what today was, but that's fine. I'm so happy, and yesterday was so great, that it doesn't even matter.

btw, he named the bear Sparky for me yesterday, when my brother was hounding me to name it after him. :)

14 February 2010

today 4 you...?

I'm having the best Valentines' Day ever.


And I'm hugging a two foot tall bear that A. got for me. It's pretty amazing.

10 February 2010

mlia and valentine's day

Due to clever people on MLIA, I have now changed my voicemail message:

"I'm currently trying to make peace between the ninjas and pirates, so leave me a message and I'll call you back, BYE."

I've never felt so cool.


Speaking of coolness, Valentines Day is in 4 days. I still have to go buy A's present, which I should be doing later, and finish the mixtape. Other than that, I'm pretty much done. Found out that we can go to the movies that morning for $4 a piece, so my wallet's happy too. Forget going to see Valentine's Day like everyone else - Percy Jackson and the Olympians, here we come!

09 February 2010

gifts? :3

I can not even tell you how much I want one of these:

Or, you know, the Batman hoodie. Or the personal library kit. :)

08 February 2010

letter to today

Really, today?

Could you have been any worse?

No? Well then, make sure to make up for it tomorrow. Or something like that. Since today you kinda ruined it for me.


07 February 2010


It's officially down-to-the-wire, 7 days until Valentine's Day. And what have I got to show in preparation of it all?

Nothing. A headful of ideas, the cash for the present and the date, and that's about it.

I'm getting him something I know he wants (not going to say, since I'm fairly certain he reads this sometimes) the oh-so-cliche mixtape, and taking him out to the movies and then making dinner afterwards.

Who says the guys have to pay for everything?

But my stomach's doing flip-flops and I just want this week to fly by. Which, of course, means it's going to drag on and on.

04 February 2010

letter to him #14

Dear you,

You are completely and utterly adorable sometimes, you know that? You do such random things on the spur of the moment, that are just amazing. That make me smile even when I've had the worst of days.

Like making a car out of a cardboard box and zooming through the hallways.

Thank you.


02 February 2010

letter to him #12

Dear you,

I know that a lot of this crap come from those that supposedly "care" about me and "don't want me to get hurt."

I don't care what they have to say, and I wish you didn't.

I'm with you for a reason, and I'm not going to give up on this without a major fight. You mean so much more to me than what they say. And I don't know all the details of what happened today or why you're like this, but I want to make it better. Even if I only get you to smile for the briefest of moments, that's enough. Just to know that everything's okay, that you didn't mean anything from those weird comments earlier, that my heart isn't about to be broken.

Please let me in. Let me do what I'm here to do - to bring you up when you're feeling down.


01 February 2010

letter to the crafters out there...

Any idea how to construct a nice, big energy drink can? Like a foot and a half or taller that I can use as a gift box?


I still haven't quite figured out what to do for A for Valentine's Day. It feels weird to me, because he does so much for me, and I would just like to show how much I love it. But, for the first time on record, I can't find the words. It's like the words just decided to go on vacation or something. :/

So let me say that I love you. You're all I've ever wanted; all I've ever dreamed of to come ♥
((bonus points if you can name the song!))