18 February 2010

the party, part xxxi (31)

And our poor girl.

She doesn’t really know which way’s up, let alone what to do about this boy. Right now, she’d do just about anything to get him back. He means so much to her, even after all the crap that’s happened lately. She really believed him when he said he loved her, and that’s what makes all this hurt all the more.

After that horrid phone call, she talked to her friends extensively. And then dyed her hair a nice, dark brown, trying to show that she could be a new person without him. But, right now, as she types, she would give anything to turn back the clock and use what she knows now to help what she had (and turn her locks back to that crazy, 5 different shades of brown and blonde it was before).

She’s not heartbroken, not quite; she’s just…lost.

Lonely, scared, empty. A happy-go-lucky person on the outside, while on the inside she’s just trying not to cry. All she wants is to go back to when they were happy. She would give so much to have him be hers again. Everyone keeps saying, “He could be the right guy, but this might just be the wrong time.”

She doesn’t care. It’s a good enough time, and she knows that he loved her. That it wasn’t just something trivial. (Or at least she hopes so with every cell in her body). That he really meant all that he said, didn’t just make it all up.

It all just sucks.

That’s about how she can sum up everything, especially when her (sometimes) over-bearing friends continue to ask how she’s doing. “Suckish!” she grins, trying to get them to just drop it, “But I’ll be fine.” The ‘eventually’ is just assumed, since they all know she holds onto things, turns them over in her mind and figures out exactly what part went wrong.

She knows that if he wanted her back, she’d be there in a second. It might be pathetic, might be stupid and a waste of time, but she doesn’t care. It’s her life, after all, and her first love (???). She’s got to figure it all out on her own.

Or get hurt trying.

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