30 March 2010


"Stop talk, talk, talking that blah, blah, blah...."

I'm bored around here. It seems like everything you can do, I've done. Everyone you can tolerate/do things with, I've found. I just want something...different, you know? The cliche hot new kid that comes to your school, you fall for each other, but it's something special and connecting and not just some stupid teenage romance.

Something soul-deep. Where they know you completely, more that you do, and they still accept you and love you with every bit of their heart.

::sigh:: Don't we all, though? Don't we all...

29 March 2010

fs #1

Who are your bestfriends?

Me: Marina Thelen, Audra Arver, Austin Pickett and Paige Dhyne

I love you <3 (true story) -Audra

Me: True story? I love you too, Audra. <3

28 March 2010

"Please don't go. I'll eat you up, I love you so."


Again, seems I was wrong. I can't ever think things are going good and be right lately, can I?

He was going after my best friend. Sweet Marina, the person I have come to trust and rely on the most these past few months. And it sucks, because he knows she's liked him all year, and he's just "lonely".

And it's tearing us apart. Tentative friendship with my ex who is pretty much messing with me, my best friend who likes any guy that says they like her....

You know what? I'm done. Gonna take up parkour or something, not talk to people who annoy me, and just quit with all the drama.

Check out my formspring if you want to ask me random questions. I'll try to post them on here as well as my personal facebook.

24 March 2010


So, I guess it's all kosher on this end of the internet.

He randomly called me earlier to go hang out at the park, and it wasn't awkward or forced or anything. Sure, there are always going to be things that pretty much only we can tease each other about (and they'll always be a teensy bit awkward) but it's pretty amazing.

I'm kinda ticked that he was talking about me at lunch with Rina earlier and she convienatly "forgot" what he said. We both know she never deletes texts, so she still has it and could look. But whatever. I don't even know if I would want to know. Except I totally do, so...::shrug::

I guess things are looking up. Got a guy that seems to be interested in me, though I doubt anything will happen. I've known him since I started here, and he's like my adorable older brother or something. Not dating material. It's been really nice; sunny and not too unbearably warm. Perfect swinging or lazying about on a merry-go-round weather. :)

I want it to be summer, kinda. Or at least Spring Break. Though my plans to travel to Chicagoland are dashed away, I think I'll be spending it with my sisters just catching up on stuff. So that'll be fun.

I know I promised this would be more of a showcase blog for my writing, but with the book and everything, I just haven't had time to work on anything else. And I'm only about 20,000 words into, and not far into the plot AT ALL. >.<

So...wish me luck?

23 March 2010

and that was the day that i promised i'd never sing of love

I'm done with dating for a while. I would say something like "until I get out of school", but I know that's not realistic. Things change. People change. And I'm not going to not date someone just because I swore I wouldn't anymore.

But I'm done chasing what shouldn't be chased.

It's hurting both of us, hurting the tentative friendship we have, and I know I need to get over it. It's getting ridiculous. Much as I hate to admit it, it really is.

I know I'm not going to get him back, so why do I keep trying?

16 March 2010


And I know you think I'm crazy,

And I dress up like I'm four,
I don't do dinner and movies,
But, if I showed up at your door.

Would you give me one more minute,
The story's far from finished,
We could fill in all the pages.


I have had an amazing week so far. It's been 65 outside everyday, nice and sunny, discovered an awesome little park by my house with swings and merry-go-rounds....needless to say, I spent 4 hours there earlier with A.

Yeah, yeah, before you say it: after everything, I should be spending less time with him. But he's still one of my very best friends, and I still have a blast with him.

So...here's to hoping the rest of the week stays this awesome! :)

11 March 2010


Wow. I'm either extremely pathetic or extremely stupid.

I just went to A's house. In a complete downpour. In my sweats.


He wasn't even home. I got a frantic call from him ((he's on vacation)) because his best friend, who's supposed to be watching Hera ((my number one pooch)) wasn't answering the phone. So I had to see if he was there for him.

Which I did. *bangs head against nearby wall*

Here's what I told Rina, who could tell through texts that I was upset:

b/c that's something you ask your gf, who you know loves that dumb dog, to go do at 8:30 at night when you know her parents won't let her out after dark and still know she's going to go do it
because she loves you, dang it
and it's all just sucking
and oh, jeeze, what i wouldn't give to just smack him or kiss him or just SCREAM at him

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

10 March 2010

got a short fuse, like a time bomb

Rollarcoaster? Up, up, and......dooooooooown....

He can't seem to decide. One day, he's over me and we're friends and everything's cool, and the next he's apparantly not and could do without ever seeing/speaking to me again.

((and it's tearing me apart))

It'd be one thing if he would chose one or the other. But this back and forth? It's driving me insane.

08 March 2010

walkin' and talkin'

I'm really starting to enjoy it.

I feel like a creeper, though. I was just sitting in my living room, hanging out, and I look out the window and see A with Hera. So I poke my head out, ask if I can join them, then bolt to my room to dig out my flip flops (5o outside today, all!).

And we just wandered around, played with Hera and talked about the Paramore concert we're going to in May.

This might have been the highlight of my day. :)

07 March 2010

lady gaga in wonderland?

Love Alice in Wonderland? Think Lady Gaga is completely bonkers?

Check out this amazing video [here] then!!

Some genius took the trailer to the new Tim Burton version and put her into it. The video flows seamlessly, and it's funny.

06 March 2010

growing up?

Maybe that's what all this is. I honestly don't know, couldn't tell you for sure. All I know is, after trying (and failing)...maybe it's all for the best. It was an emotional rollarcoaster, on the good days - let alone the not-so-good.

I know it's going to hurt - honestly, I expected it to a lot more than it does right now. But I ran into him walking his dog yesterday (oh, how I missed Hera!) and we just talked for about an hour. Not about "us" - there is no more "us" left to salvage - but about random things. Our pasts. Him living in Reno. How to fail at being a ninja (I tried to climb a snow bank and got stuck up to my knees).

It was nice. So...I don't know. I still count him as one of my best friends, someone I would do anything for. (Along with xTainted_Lovex, greg, Paige, Rina and T.J.)

Well...goodbye old love. Hello someone new?

04 March 2010

intelligence = brains > heart?

So...I was wrong. Yet again.

3 days into it, and he doesn't want to try anymore. It's not worth it. "It'll be better as 'just friends', trust me."

A lot to ask, since he pretty much ruined the whole "trust" thing. I really feel quite jaded; it's not worth it, I don't want to fight anymore, hello no more dating for a few years.

And now he won't even pick up the phone, tell me it's over. No. Apparently it's to be assumed.

The worst part? If he changed his mind and took it all back tomorrow, I'd forget today and all the heartbreak.

Can you say weak?

02 March 2010

...okay then

Guess we're standing on higher, more stable ground that I thought.

And I love it up here.