31 October 2009

spooky day! yay!

Happy Halloween, all!

Just me being a vampire. Yeah.
Hope you got buckets and buckets of candy!

26 October 2009

The Party, Part XXIII (23)

It…was a miserable failure.

He showed, alright. But only it just wasn’t what it was supposed to be. Things didn’t flow, weren’t quite right, and it took awhile to get why out of him. He had a quasi-girlfriend, he said. And the cuddling party they were supposed to have? Couldn’t do it; didn’t want to upset Quasi-Girlfriend.

She feels like crap, understandably. This day was supposed to be for that. They were supposed to curl up and watch Twilight, like he had said weeks ago when he thought up this day. And, instead, she spends the first hour watching him program and the ones after that wondering why things always end up this way.

For, after all, wasn’t this supposed to be a Her-Him day?
Wouldn’t that, by definition, mean it was about both of them? Not just him? And, yeah, maybe it sounds a little self-conceited, but she needed just one day to vent about everything and pretend that he really loves her.
One day to forget the last few months and go back to when it was just so, so good.

Except she didn’t figure in him. Remembered, yeah, that those feelings all died within him a long while ago, but didn’t factor in anything else. Just the fact that he said the day was for whatever she wanted and even brought up the Cuddling Party idea.

It’s just…complicated.

He’s said before that he doesn’t want to become unnecessary in her life. Doesn’t want to get pushed out of the picture (though she knows it would never happen – he’d kick and scream the entire time). Well, neither does she. And she can’t help but think that this new girlfriend will try to push her out his picture (since it seems like that already, and only after one day!).

She doesn’t want to get left by another person, let alone him. It’s happened so many times in her life, and she doesn’t know if she could live through another abandonment. It’s the reason why she mothers so many people around her. She can’t bear to see them get hurt, and she wants to always be that person that’s always there for them. Even if they don’t always deserve it, she’s still there. Even if it kills her sometimes. Even if it might possibly be driving her insane.

For, if she can be there for them, then it makes sense that someone could do that for her.

25 October 2009

The Party, Part XXII (22)

It’s the eve of Her-Him Day.

A day a month in the making, one magic day of calm with no school (!!) and relaxation. The day both have been waiting for, especially our girl. She just wants a day to veg with her best friend, chill out and have fun. Eat some animal crackers, maybe coerce him into watching Twilight, laugh and be herself.

But she can’t stop this feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. He had a trip that weekend, and never called to set up times. Now, our girl is someone who double- and triple-checks plans, especially since she usually ends up getting the time wrong anyways. So when plans aren’t confirmed, she panics a bit.

Or, more like majorly.

It doesn’t help that it’s him, either, her crazy-rollercoaster best friend that usually bails on her anyhow. No…that makes her worry just the tiniest bit more. He says stuff before he speaks, things he thinks about our girl…and, well, she’s starting to think he’s just not going to show up. Oh, he’ll call later and say he was sleeping, and she’ll be heartbroken once again.

And then, predictably, he’ll apologize the next day, maybe even bring some sour punch straws to try and bribe her into forgiving him. And it’ll work because, jeeze, he’s hard to stay mad at. So she’ll just feel like crap, remember how it feels like when you’re just sure none of your friends really care, and he’ll ignore it like he usually does.

Talk about vicious circles, eh?

It’s what happens every time. He’ll initiate the plans, get her excited and thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might actually show, and then kablam! He bails again. It’s just what happens.
And yet, every time, our girl thinks this will finally be the time when he keeps his promise. This time will be the time he comes through for her, since she always does for him. This time he won’t make her miserable.
So…will this finally be that time?
(Because she sure doesn’t know)

23 October 2009

music <3

So, just something quick and fun.

Go into iTune or Windows Media Player and find your favorite artist or band. (It's best to find one with a lot of songs). Answer these questions as best as possible (be creative!) and see how well you can do! Here's my two, since I couldn't pick one over the other

1.Pick your Artist:
Fall Out Boy
Panic at the Disco

2.Are you a male or female:
”Tiffany Blews”
”She’s a Handsome Woman”

3.Describe yourself:
”Pretty in Punk”
”Mad as Rabbits”

4.How do you feel:
”A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More ‘Touch Me’”
”Build God, Then We’ll Talk”

5.Describe where you currently live:
"Of All the Gin Joints in All the World…”
"Behind the Sea”

6.If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
"Chicago is so Two Years Ago”
"Pas de Cheval”

7.Your favourite form of transportation:
"Grenade Jumper”
"I Have Friends in Holy Spaces”

8.Your best friend is:
"What a Catch, Donnie”
"Folkin’ Around”

9.You and your best friends are:
"From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins”

10.What's the weather like:
"Grand Theft Autumn”
”Northern Downpour”

11.Favourite time of day:
"Nine in the Afternoon”

12.If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
”Thnks fr th Mmrs”

13.What is life to you:
”Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying”
”Time to Dance”

19 October 2009

petals fall

Sitting at a keyboard,
Needing him to call
(Break the monotony);
Terrified he will

Needing solace
And a confirmation
That this is real
And I am sane

Or even the worst.
Tell me.
Yes or no,
Either way

But don’t leave.
Don’t let me wonder
Or let the thoughts wander
And wish for tomorrow

(even if I long for yesterday)

He loves me.
He loves me not.
Fortunes told through
Red carnation petals

What happens when I get to the last?
Which will it be?
He holds the answer
And I can’t know

Until he decides,
Lets me know if
My heart is broken
Or it’s finally free.

retraction #42


I was wrong.


He might seem amazing, but I guess I'm the girl that makes the most misjudgments.

"I've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match. What a catch."

16 October 2009

To Continue....

So, I was telling you about this awesome guy, right? Well since tomorrow is Sweetests' Day, our hockey club decided to sell carnations during lunch.

He suprised me with one, right after I wrote that last post.

I almost died. Starting crying, actually, because I was touched at how sweet he was being --- and for me, nonetheless! So of course he got all flustered that I was crying and oh my goodness I haven't stopped smiling for going on three hours now.

xD times 1,000,000,000 (etc.)


Finally found someone amazing, y'all.

Wish me luck.

12 October 2009

A Study of the Behavior of Adolescent Humans

Why do females fall for the “jerks” and males the “sluts”?

Tend to fall for the “jerk” or alpha males. Have little regard for self’s mental stability when with said alpha male. Do not mind when they catch male exhibiting unwanted behavior. Ignore those “nice”, or beta, males

Tend to fall for the “sluts” or alpha females. Go into hormone-induced “la-la land” when around said alpha female. Ignore the “nice”, or beta, females.

I believe that there is something in human DNA that controls this pairing off. As said by Amy Reeder Hadley (quoted in Fool’s Gold, volume 1, by Penny): “…But I hypothesize it [the ‘hole’ in females’ brains] developed in our genetics through natural selection, back in the cavemen days, when we had to make lots of babies in order for our species to survive. If we chose jerks to be the fathers, we knew they would kill and steal enough food for our babies to make it through the winter.” The selections could be due to genetic factors and natural selection.

Variables: Exceptions to human behavior, personalities, personal experience.

Materials: Information/testimony from readers (personal experiences, first-hand encounters)

Procedure: If you are reading this, post a comment detailing why you think things are the way they are. If you have a blog of your own, copy the body of this post and give me the link to it [your post & comments). With enough comments from many different people with many different experiences, we’ll find the cause. (And, hopefully, a solution!)


…To be posted at a later date.

(Please help with this [some-what] social experiment, dear readers!)

09 October 2009


Okay, theoretical question (Mal and Dil, you know I need you two on this!):

What do you do when you used to be in love with your best friend and then you're not, but they still act like you do? (<--- confusing? Yes, a bit, but you get what I mean).

Like, "B" just keeps being jerkish, but he's still the very closest friend I have, so I don't want a huge confrontation or anything. But it almost needs to happen, because I'm sick of him blowing off and then expecting me to help him with projects. It's just...!!!! For someone who wants to make things better with us, he sure is doing a crappy job.


Just had to vent a little, dearest readers. If you have any potential suggestions, I'm all ears!

05 October 2009


I found this book the other day when I was bored at the library (rarely happens, trust me!). I'm someone who's deeply in love with suspense and "haunted" houses and everything like that, so I decided to give it a go.

And I just can't put it down. It's so captivating, so engrossing, that you...you just can't. You just want to know what's happening in Moody's England and to Danny. You are just waiting to figure out what's going on, what's turning people into 'Haters'. Trust me, if you figure it out, you're a genius.

So...just give it a try if you have some spare time and can track down a copy. It'll be worth it!

02 October 2009


It's that time of year again, and with it comes all those fall feelings.
Like that first football game of the season, and that first magical dance of the year.
All the girls are prepping, dressing up in a small town where no one will see them.
Everyone's on edge, waiting for that special 'someone' to ask them to dance.
Everyone's flocking to the homecoming game, hoping this is the game we actually win.
Every girl is dressed to the nines, watching the clock and feeling butterflies.
'What if he's late?' followed up by 'What if he doesn't even show?'
Calm down, take a deep breath.
He'll come, it'll be great, and you'll get that one dance that makes the rest of your year.
I promise.