30 October 2010

if it wasn't for you, i'd be nothing...where are you now?

Started on some pills to help with everything...but then they made me feel even worse, so...already off of them.


I don't know what to do about it. S'pose there's really nothing, but...

27 October 2010

do you, do you wanna learn to fly? then you should pack it up & say goodbye

I think I figured out why I'm so fixated on finding a guy and falling in love.

Because I just have this gut feeling I'm going to get hurt, and I want to get it done sooner rather than later so it's less time for my "fixer" to find my broken heart and patch it up.

I know that sounds dumb, but I think that might just be it. Yay for psycho-analyzing yourself, right? :P

26 October 2010


That's right, folks. Harry Potter: Film Wizardry


25 October 2010

baby can't you see? i'm calling

I hate this.

All I do is feel sick. I can feel my heartbeat in every part of my body. I get terrible stomach aches at night (third one in a row, so it wasn't just too much ice cream). Head's been hurting. My throat's always dry, no matter how much water I guzzle. I'm going through two waterbottles a day, during school.

And then my mental ness! Oh, jeeze, don't even get me started. I can start crying at the drop of a hat. I think I cried for about 2 hours on and off earlier.

My heart hurts. I feel like I'm losing every person I thought I called a close friend.

Nothing's helping. Taking St. John's Wort, trying to de-stress as much as possible...it's just not doing anything.

I just...I want them to at least run some blood tests or something. Before they try to pin everything on stress.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't.

21 October 2010

it's the color of hope on an unforgiving night

Well, that sucked

Had a nice little emotional breakdown at school today. I was fine afterwards, until I got back to class and my friend Maddie asked me if I was okay. Then it just went downhill from there. And then Sr. Marsh asked me too, and I just left.

Went home, sat on tumblr, watched TV, read, took a nap. Relaxed.

And I still feel like crap.

I just...I hate people. I hate when they break promises and when they breathe through their nose when it's all stuffed up. When they yell and scream for no reason. When they promise to not ever hurt you, then turn around and do just that. When they leave, because they always do.

I hate diabetes. I hate DKA. I hate not knowing what's wrong with me, mentally emotionally physically medically. I hate being this crazy in my head.

I hate reading books that I love, falling for the characters, and realizing none of that will probably ever happen to me.

I hate being so stressed I have no time to write. To release all of this crap.

I hate what my best friend is doing to herself, and how she doesn't realize how it affects me. How much it hurts. Especially when her latest "adventures" are more important than how scared I am.

I hate everything right now, and I'm sorry.

19 October 2010

i miss you; i'm so sorry

you are the only exception

I am so done with people. For real.

They all just suck.

Except Eric, cuz we're in the same boat with no paddles. But we still are there to comfort each other.

Unlike some people I could mention :/

11 October 2010

i am the coolest girl in the whole wide world

I am ^^^

And you know why?

Because I'm bisexual. And proud. 

Happy Coming Out Day, all.

04 October 2010

i'll be back, don't try and follow me


School had been stressful, like normal. Haven't gotten to write anything new, since my English class decided to kick me one and not let me have any time anymore. It sucks. Especially since my teacher decided that exclamation points are pointless.

Well here:


I find them VERY useful :P