the party, xxxix (39)

She pleads the same thing, everyday, like clockwork.

Whatever you want her to do, whatever you can promise to make him a permanent character, she’ll do it. In a heartbeat. Because this, she realizes, is what love should be. Being content to hear his voice if there’s no way to see him. Needing to hear him say “I love you” to sleep. Wanting him. Not like lust, no, because she would do anything to just have him hold her. Nothing more. Just to have him near, have him with her and not far away.

Eventually, people start to notice. “Ever few days, I think he appreciates you more than the few days before,” her mother observes one day. And when our girl asked him about it, he agreed:

“Why wouldn’t I – every day you give me something more to love,” he reasons.

It makes her smile. He makes her smile. Heck, even just thinking about him makes her smile. He’s everything she didn’t know she needed, or wanted. She is made beautiful simply when he looks at her. And for once in her life, she believes it when people say so. Doesn’t second guess, doesn’t just think they’re trying to be nice – really believes it.

She’s been in such an awesome place since she’s been with him. One of her friends, another from long before that our girl is reconnecting with (we’ll just refer to him as her brother, because he is in every sense except the, ya know, real one) pulls her to the side one day. “You look happy. That’s new. You haven’t been in a long time. I’ll let this one live,” he tells her, in his half-serious way that sometimes concerns her. But now it just makes her smile wider.

She doesn’t remember this kind of happy.

Not since high school started, at least. Not when she was a shell, a robot, on autopilot. Not with B. Not with A. Not with anyone else in the stretch of our tale.

But all of the sudden? It’s all good. Happiness and rainbows and butterflies. All that jazz and more. Much more.

And it’s all because of him.

the party, part xxxviii (38)

But maybe Prince Charming doesn’t have a white horse.

Maybe he doesn’t have anything like those fairytale men, and maybe he doesn’t need to. Maybe he’s simply been there all along, in the back of the picture, hiding out and always being there when he’s needed. Always kind, always handsome, always him.

Maybe he’s the one that friends have pushed from the beginning, someone from before the scary world of high school. Someone who remembers our girl back when she had Chewbacca hair and braces, and still liked what he saw. Who has admitted that he would like to stay throughout the duration of the party of her life. Who is hesitant in his comments, put more stock in actions than in simply saying, “You are so beautiful.”

Our girl doesn’t mind.

She’s kinda head over heels. It would be simple to brush aside B, A…the others in her past, but that wouldn’t be fair.

What is fair, though, is to say everything is different with this boy. This boy gets a full name, for instance : Alex. He means to much to our girl; our silly girl who is just starting to figure out she’s never grasped loved before, never even glimpsed it.

It’s been right here all along.

In this wonderful boy, who understands her. Doesn’t make her second guess his feelings, calls her every day whenever he can (even on Christmas, sneaking out to ‘walk the dog’ and call her), and shows her that she is beautiful – to him. Nothing else really matters.

He brings her to dinner with his parents, his grandmother at a country club (yeah, crazy, right?!) and never says a word about how she looks. He doesn’t need to. It’s all in his eyes and how they seem to never leave her the entire night. The way he looks at her makes her want to hide for fear of him realizing she’s not as much as he seems to think she is. To apologize for not being whatever his image of her is.

Please, please world: don’t take this one away, she pleads, not him.

merry christmas, screamers (:

so basically, i just want to curl up someplace inside your ribs, near your heart preferably, and live there for a while. cool?

‎"ever few days, he appreciates you more than the few days before, i think" ~ my mom, about alex

So, I’ve been meaning to tell you how much you mean to me, but the words just hide whenever you’re around, and before I can grab onto them, the moment’s over and done with. I figure, though, what better way to do it all than to type it out, grab those words when the timing isn’t of the essence? Despite the fact…well, don’t make fun of me if everything’s not all pretty words and perfect grammar, okay? Here goes nothing.

You remind me of the weirdest things. Being a kid and not having to worry about anything except if the kid you usually play with will be at school or not. Fall days when it’s perfect outside, cool enough for hoodies but warm enough for flip flops. Apple cider or raspberry iced tea. Those moments when you feel invincible, like when you’re swinging at the park and feel your toes just barely graze that huge tree in front of you that you’ve been trying to catch for years now. When you actually catch someone smiling for real, not just because they don’t want people to know they’re sad. Opening up Christmas presents. Spinning on a merry-go-round until you can’t see straight afterwards.

I guess what I’m saying is you remind me of simple moments, perfect moments. When you feel so alive you can’t think of anything else but that moment. It might sound kinda cheesy, kinda lame, but I don’t care if I sound lame. I am lame sometimes. You’re pretty lame yourself sometimes, and you’re one of the best things that’s ever been mine, so lame can’t be all that bad, can it?

I’ve managed to find you out of the what? 9 billion people or whatever on this planet? And for that, I’m glad. And it’s not one-sided. I love listening to you, and listening to you listen when all I can do is babble. Having you to talk to, even when we’re both just playing Soul Caliber and talking about how badly we’re getting killed.

Maybe it sounds kinda crazy, I mean we’re kids and what do we know about forever and love and all that, but you are the first person where I don’t feel silly thinking about that kind of stuff. Where I don’t feel like I’m grasping at smoke. You’re someone I don’t think I’ll ever really get tired of. I also know, yeah, it’s one month, but it still means something, even if everyone says you only celebrate the first 6 months and then years. And for you and I, it may be one month technically, but at the same time it’s been so much longer than that. Our story started back in seventh grade, when you still talk to me even though my hair was reminiscent of Chewbacca most of the time. Or, maybe you could make a case for sixth grade when my friend made me sit by you in choir so she could have an excuse to be near you.

Usually I feel kinda trapped inside relationships, like a caged bird. And maybe, just maybe, I still am trapped. But with you? I’m just fine being trapped if it’s with you.

It’s not a fairytale by any means.

It’s so much more.

At least to me.

I still remember back then, when we were awkward Crossroads kids, thinking that holding hands was the biggest deal ever. If you held hands, your relationship was legit. You two were together. I still don’t understand why I wasn’t smarter than, why I didn’t hold on to you once you were there. Why I let you go.

But I don’t know if I truly ever did.

Maybe it didn’t seem like that, especially once we got to the high school, but…we were still friends.

And now. Oh jeeze, now.

I don’t know if you understand, Alex. I honestly don’t. When I say I love you, I mean it with every part of my heart. We are a story years in the making, and I don’t know…I can be myself around you. I don’t have to always be upbeat and happy – I can be me, and that is invaluable.

You are amazing. Honest, smart, funny, cute J…everything about you makes me love you. The way you laugh. When you do that slow-clap when I’ve done something stupid. When you trace circles onto my knee without even thinking about it, and it drives me crazy because all I want to do is kiss you. When you’ll kiss me in front of our friends, even when they pull out the awes and “EW! COOTIES!” and laugh.

When we’re both so awkward we can hardly talk (although we’ve mostly gotten past that). How our first kiss together was in front of the Apple store with you teasing me and Lenore and Daphne cheering from the sidelines (or, you know, behind the map of the mall, but whatever). How I can just see you and it makes me smile.

One of the best reasons? The fact that everyone says we’re “adorable” or “cute” together.  I know that sounds kinda odd, but I love it. And when they tell me that I look happy – something I haven’t really been in a while, honestly.

But you. I just love you.

Everything about you.

How we can talk and not think of anything to say and it still feels comfortable. “So…yeah” “Yeah,” “Yeeeeeeah”. The fact you know I’m a romantic and know so much more about me. How we geek out over Goofy movies, and Miyazaki ones (I am going to get Whispers to work, because you need to see that one :P). How I was so awkward about it, but you said it back the first time I said, “I love you,” - via a picture of a Polaroid, but ya know, whatever J.  When you tell me you want to kiss me. When you make me blush like crazy with one word, one look.

So….yeah J

Happy one month, babe.

I love you.

memo

The last two parts of The Party were from September. I neglected posting them, until I noticed them sitting neat and tidy in their folder earlier in the week.

The boy they are talking about is not my current boyfriend.
It's Trevor.
Who broke up with me just as school was starting, and I was having to face A again for the first time in months.

My current boyfriend?
So much more than those two losers put together. So much more.
He loves me.
And he isn't just faking it, like they were.

i was on your porch
the smoke sank into my skin
so i came inside to be with you
and we talked all night,
about everything we could imagine
cause come the morning i'll be gone
and as our eyes start to close,
i turn to you and i let you know,
that i love you

::sigh::

the party, part xxxvii (37)

Too bad knocking on wood doesn’t always work, and Sweet 16s aren’t always sweet.

Because, you see, this guy turned out to be another one that would chip away at our girl’s heart yet again. Another B, another A…another one she should have seen coming. Another one that would fall through on his promises, another one that would lie when he said he would never.

At least it’s not as bad as the previous two, though. They’re friends, they really are…but sometimes she sees him and all she wants to do is curl up in his arms again.

Sadly, this is not a new thing.

Maybe it’s the stress of junior year, maybe it’s everything else and pills, but all she wants to do is go to A. For a moment, go back to what they had. Be in the circle of his arms, the one place she felt safe then. It’s the Maine’s song “Into Your Arms”, kinda. All our girl, our sad little girl who just wants a break, is what she thought she came closest to with him.

Love.

All we all ever want is to be loved, right? Have someone to call our own, someone that calls us their own. Someone to kiss when you’re happy and hold you when you’re not. To make you laugh, to be a dork with you, to just be there. To love you, with all your quirks. To love you, in spite of them.

Sometimes, though, our girl gets so blue. Thinks that she doesn’t deserve that kind of love, won’t ever find it, could never.

It’s ridiculous, she knows.

But still. It’s there, in her thoughts. And it sucks, but what can you do? She certainly doesn’t know, or she’d have someone, wouldn’t she? Touché, I know. All she wants is her Prince Charming, her Aladdin, her Eric. That Disney fairytale every little girl is duped into believing they’ll get.

Well, her she is, begging for it. So, where are you, fairytale man? Stop being so stubborn, get off your white horse, and ask for directions already.

She’s getting rather impatient, and it’s bad manners to keep a lady waiting.

the party, part xxxvi (36)

And she’s hoping it is, this time.

More than she deserves. Someone who can make everything seem better with just a glance, just a touch. Our girl doesn’t want to fall and be crushed, like last time. Doesn’t want to think everything great when, in reality, everything’s crumbling.

And she doesn’t think it’s going to happen this time. She’s starting over, and she thinks it’s about time. New age, new perspective, new look…it’s all starting to come together. And second chances, too, which is fairly amazing.

It looks like her 16^th year is going to be the best.

(Knock on wood, though) She doesn’t want to jinx anything. Just wants it all to be good, oh so good. The way they haven’t always been. She’s going to have her clubs and her sports and school and him. What more could a girl need? Like they say – “All a girl really ever needs is her best friends and a boyfriend who truly cares.”

And she has it, for the first time. Friends who are really friends, that are family in every sense of the word. Those that matter and that think our girl does too. A boyfriend who isn’t mental, who tells our girl every day how beautiful she is (even though she argues this point every time).

Yup, 16 is gonna rock.

Our girl can feel it in her veins, in every word they say. And kicking it off with a birthday themed after her two favorite books? Alice in Wonderland and Harry Potter? Yes, please! Tea and caldron cakes and Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans and cake that says “Eat Me” on it.

What more could one want?

After all, it isn’t called Sweet 16 for nothing.

links, links, links!

Lookie here! http://member.mibba.com/197796/

That's me and my writer friend's page. And she put The Party up! http://stories.mibba.com/read/342248/The-Party/

• well for one, she's a bit of a romantic, but that's okay with me, i kinda like it. i like it a lot, actually.
• oh really? that's cute
• yeah, she is
• awwwwwwwe more!
• she seems to be kinda stressed lately since she's got a lot of stuff going on at school, hate seeing her like that, and i hope sometime she/we can just relax together
• awe, i bet she does too. i heard she likes disney movies
• oh really now?
• well, yeah most girls do especially when they're stressed
• maybe she'd like to sit down and watch a couple sometime?
• probably
• so maybe i should get together with her sometime over the next few weekends so we can sit down and watch some?
• Yeah. Go for it!
• alright, i'll talk to her about it sometime
• Go you! I'm sure you'll have her in no time
• and if i already do?
• Then she is one lucky girl

after today

stand out

oh, baby it's cold outside

Oh yeah.
That's the Glee Christmas album.
Be jealous
(or not, if you're like my bf and don't like them)
Either way, I got me some Darren Criss and Chris Colfer going on in here :)

the road outside my house is paved with good intentions

you are the dreamer, and we are the dream
i could write it better than you ever felt it

it's gonna be a good day (:

i'm such an awkward kid

you are the taste of something sweet

guess the world does work in mysterious ways sometimes.

went better than i thought.

saw the boyfren. our first kiss, in front of the apple store.
yay :D

just drop us a beat...

seriously? why?

the one day i want to go right, not a single thing does. my best friend gets grounded. my boyfriend has a road test. my "sister"...well, that's probably an entirely different story.

all i wanted was one day with the people i care about most. out of the 7 or 8 people i asked? 2 are going. and even then i have to pick both of them up.

it's just...sometimes i don't even know why i bother. why i organize these things in the first place. why make the effort if you're the only one? i don't get it.

i keep hoping that maybe they're all in it together, doing something to surprise me for once.

and then i remember that the idea is silly, why would one think that?

because i know they're not.  

i'm the narrator and this is just the prologue

i'm worried.

something's up with my best friend, and for once he won't tell me what it is.

:/

i don't know what to do. i'm tiredanxiousscaredworried

what if it's something i did?
why won't he tell me?
i thought we had no secrets...
why?

one step at a time. one hope than another

.............

i want to talk to you, but i feel like i'm annoying you. so i am staying off of fb for a good portion of tonight. or we'll get a repeat of last night, where i felt like i was just being ridiculous.

the moon is gone forever, i hope you're out there somewhere

this week is going to be great, i can feel it.

only monday&&tuesday for school.

mini thanksgiving/hanging out day with some of my closest friends

might be going to chicagoland for the weekend, see the family. if we don't get snowed in here (oh, darn, that'd be so sad.)

but, all in all? i'm super excited.

pull on my hand and say, please just let’s make it this way

"don't go breaking my heart"..."i couldn't if i tried"

I literally just had the best day. Ever.

Got asked out (kinda...it's complicated-ish) by my crush.

Got to spend a good part of the day with my very best friend.

Had a Frosty.

I'd call this a winsome day, wouldn't you?

yay :3

forget the maybe's. they're all true :)

maybe...

i've found the ron to my hermione

i've gotten my own harry, and helped him find his "ginny"

i've passed my O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's and emerged bright and shiny new

i'm happy?

i want to meet someone who's afraid to lose me

don't you just love it when someone takes it upon themselves to tell the person you like that you like them? yeah, me neither

fb

rachel&&kurt

:)

i just got to see my best friend in the whole wide world :3

and surprise him, on top of that.

went to gsaif, which i never can because i never have a ride, and he walked in...the look on his face made me so happy. i've never had someone react like thet when they saw me. ever.

ilovehimsomuch

he makes me feel beautiful

right now, you're the only reason i'm not letting go-oh

everybody live like it's the last day you will ever see

blargh. I just want this to end...WHY IS EVERY GUY I EVER LIKE GAY OR A LOSER?!

Honestly.

I mean, I love Eric and all...I just want a non-gay him? Oh, lord, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I don't know how to describe iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit :P

That's kinda it, though...he is the perfect guy, in every way shape and form - except that one small detail. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing! It's not! It just kinda sucks, you know?

pffffffft.

ihatethis.
ireallyreallydo.

tell me how i've lost my power

i thought that we'd make it.


I'm so sorry, screamers, that I haven't gotten anything new to you lately. Between Like the Stars Above, Golden Children, Au Revior and other things (tumblr, school, RL, stuff like that...)

right now you're the only reason i'm not letting go

Still feeling weird. Still have no idea why.

I just feel...like I need to type and type and type and it still won't be enough. Maybe it's not just my body that's out of order, but my head too...maybe?

I could write for days and not empty my skull.

keep me safe inside your arms like towers, tower over me

I know I sound pathetic and whiny, but all I want is someone to be with. To let me curl up in their arms, kiss me on the forehead and tell me they'll love me forever. Is that so much to ask?

Applied for a few jobs...Mom says it'll "help get me out of my head". I like my head, thank you very much. I'll admit, sometimes it's not the greatest place ever, but whatever. It's better than most. Not filled with sex&drugs&booze, right?

::sigh::

if you love harry potter, call 267-436-5109

Writer Ninja has taken over....

Lo there. It is Writer Ninja here!

One thing I have noticed about Addy is that she has a great passion for writing. I can only wish her the best in the future because I know it will be bright. In honor of her writing aspirations, I have decided to submit this poem I wrote months ago. I hope you all enjoy it.

Acceptance

He stood at the edge of a murky beach in a maddened haze.

Six feet under, they were in a grave.

The mistakes he made all began to play back.

His world’s canvas was becoming a tortured shade of black.

“What if I came home sooner,” he wondered. “What if I was better to them when they were alive?”

He looked over the peer ready to take the tumultuous dive.

About to jump, with bloodshot eyes, he looked into the grimy ocean and rocks to see his reflection below.

He felt a loving whisper of those he cared about in his ear and then he did know.

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is truly accepting yourself and what you’ve done.

Because of acceptance, he lived to stand on the pier and watch the rising sun.

Best wishes,

maybe you can't love me the way i want you to, but you love me the way i need you to and that makes all the difference

something you keep in the box on the street, now it's longing for a home

i messed up.

i think i let him know, and i don’t know if i wanted him to.

i don’t want this to mess anything up with us.

he’s my best friend. 

what do i do now?

the thing about growing up with Harry Potter is you start to think anything's possible if you've got enough nerve

hi.

iloveyou.

just sayin.'

awe

you stalker

years of dreaming just can't be wrong.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.

hi.
iloveyou.
just sayin'. 

Someone wanna send me something like that? Cuz I need some extra lovin'.

listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
[...]
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me

i don't love you like i did yesterday

Oh, how I wish I could block certain people from this blog. Not just their computers, but them, you know?
Obviously, if anyone reads the comments, they can figure out who real quick.
I just wanna curl up. Sleep. Not feel sick.
But!
Only half day of work tomorrow, all day Wednesday, and half on Thursday, and I'm done for the week.
Yay for short school times.

harry potter and aladdin...

Sophie: How did you escape during the siege of the palace?
Anastasia: There was a boy, a boy who worked in the palace. He opened a wall… I’m sorry, that’s crazy walls opening…
Dimitri: She’s the princess. …

sometimes, all i want to do is curl up in bed and blast my favorite bands until my ears bleed. maybe then everything will go back to how it was, and i can pretend to be peter pan for one more day. just one more day, please.

& the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact is to realize 2 outta 3 ain't bad

B:
Hey i know wev ben haveing our differnce for along time. just wanted say sry if any it offended you or w/e and just want see how ur life going


Me:
What offends me is how you and Audra both have been treating me since you've been spending time with Calvin. Frankly, it makes me avoid spending time with you as much as possible - to the point that it has become that I only do at lunch, because of Audra and Lenore. Thank you for apologizing, but if you continue to treat me like you did the other day then we have nothing more to discuss


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, notice his spelling. That offends me as well. Seriously, after everything he's done lately he thinks that will help? Nope. not really. Especially when he signs out on me instead of ever responding back :P

i think i've lost my muchness :/

if it wasn't for you, i'd be nothing...where are you now?

Started on some pills to help with everything...but then they made me feel even worse, so...already off of them.

:/

I don't know what to do about it. S'pose there's really nothing, but...
Whatever.

everybody wants the best of magic

How're you, screamers?

I'm good, thanks for asking (:

do you, do you wanna learn to fly? then you should pack it up & say goodbye

I think I figured out why I'm so fixated on finding a guy and falling in love.

Because I just have this gut feeling I'm going to get hurt, and I want to get it done sooner rather than later so it's less time for my "fixer" to find my broken heart and patch it up.

I know that sounds dumb, but I think that might just be it. Yay for psycho-analyzing yourself, right? :P

That would be me. AND MY FLIPPIN AWESOME BOOK

That's right, folks. Harry Potter: Film Wizardry

LOVE

baby can't you see? i'm calling

I hate this.

All I do is feel sick. I can feel my heartbeat in every part of my body. I get terrible stomach aches at night (third one in a row, so it wasn't just too much ice cream). Head's been hurting. My throat's always dry, no matter how much water I guzzle. I'm going through two waterbottles a day, during school.

And then my mental ness! Oh, jeeze, don't even get me started. I can start crying at the drop of a hat. I think I cried for about 2 hours on and off earlier.

My heart hurts. I feel like I'm losing every person I thought I called a close friend.

Nothing's helping. Taking St. John's Wort, trying to de-stress as much as possible...it's just not doing anything.

I just...I want them to at least run some blood tests or something. Before they try to pin everything on stress.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't.

I want a boyfriend. Not even a boyfriend. Just someone that cares. Someone that will text me good morning and call me cute names. Someone who doesn’t need a title to know that I’m theirs and they’re mine.

it's the color of hope on an unforgiving night

Well, that sucked

Had a nice little emotional breakdown at school today. I was fine afterwards, until I got back to class and my friend Maddie asked me if I was okay. Then it just went downhill from there. And then Sr. Marsh asked me too, and I just left.

Went home, sat on tumblr, watched TV, read, took a nap. Relaxed.

And I still feel like crap.

I just...I hate people. I hate when they break promises and when they breathe through their nose when it's all stuffed up. When they yell and scream for no reason. When they promise to not ever hurt you, then turn around and do just that. When they leave, because they always do.

I hate diabetes. I hate DKA. I hate not knowing what's wrong with me, mentally emotionally physically medically. I hate being this crazy in my head.

I hate reading books that I love, falling for the characters, and realizing none of that will probably ever happen to me.

I hate being so stressed I have no time to write. To release all of this crap.

I hate what my best friend is doing to herself, and how she doesn't realize how it affects me. How much it hurts. Especially when her latest "adventures" are more important than how scared I am.

I hate everything right now, and I'm sorry.

i miss you; i'm so sorry

you are the only exception

I am so done with people. For real.

They all just suck.

Except Eric, cuz we're in the same boat with no paddles. But we still are there to comfort each other.

Unlike some people I could mention :/

i am the coolest girl in the whole wide world

I am ^^^

And you know why?

Because I'm bisexual. And proud. 

Happy Coming Out Day, all.

quitters never win, but we walk the plank on a sinking ship

Get to see my sisters tomorrow.

Maybe that will help me feel better.

i'll be back, don't try and follow me

-dies-

School had been stressful, like normal. Haven't gotten to write anything new, since my English class decided to kick me one and not let me have any time anymore. It sucks. Especially since my teacher decided that exclamation points are pointless.

Well here:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find them VERY useful :P

you wish you were a junior (:

Ooh Ah
THE WORLD IS NOT ENDING
Ooh Ah
WE'RE JUST TAKING OVER

I love you, Adalia Marie. You are beautiful, you are loved, you know it. Someday your man will come. You will be the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he won’t do anything to hurt you. ♥ But for right now, you don’t need a man. Especially one that puts you through this. I love you babe. Everything will get better, I promise you. This is just a bump on your road through life. You’re always in my prayers.

– Lauren (:

dear best friend,

dear best friend,

I love you. I wish you would realize that he’s a loser, and that your friends care about you. That’s why we don’t really like him that much.

But.

Besides that - you are amazing. And gorgeous. And stronger than you think you are (seriously).  And you deserve someone who loves you ALL the time - not just when his latest broke up with him.

I hope you’ll figure that out.

You’ve helped me through so much, kept me strong and sane. I know you can be selfish and mean, but so can I. We both know that.

Love you, babe. Stay strong.

awe...

...This is why I love Munro's character on Degrassi, Eli. He loves Claire so much, and he actually shows it. I want that. So much.

dear person i like,

You know who you are. You've known for a few months. Like, 3, to be exact. Please figure yourself out. I'm getting sick of sitting around and waiting for what might not ever happen.

dear last kiss,

I wish we could get back to what we had, but honestly? I think it’s over. 

If only you had the guts to just tell me to my face.

1o final words

1. I

2. Can

3. Not

4. Believe

5. I

6. Just

7. Survived

8. All

9. Of

10. These

1o ways to win my heart

1. Be nerdy with me. If you can’t completely geek out about Harry Potter (or at least learn to), you need not apply. Sorry, but that’s kinda a deal breaker.

2. Be romantic. Go read Love Gives Me Hope. Do things like that, so I can write things about you on there. Make me fall in love with you more every second.

3. Know that I tend to be kinda clingy and be able to deal with that. I don’t want to have to be on eggshells, wondering if I’m annoying you and screwing things up. I’ve gone through that, and it sucks.

4. Know my views and know why I support them. Don’t argue with me for the sake of arguing. I am who I am, and that’s reflected in my views. Please leave them be. If we don’t see eye to eye, that’s fine. Just don’t try to shove your views down my throat.

5. Make an effort. Communication is a two-way street, and I’m not going to be the one initiating everything (see #3)

6. Make me laugh. Life is a journey, make the most of it and all. I’d rather have someone who was fun and dirt poor than rich and stuffy a million times over.

7. But up with my crazy. I get OCD about a few little, stupid things. I can go into intense mood swings because my day’s been crappy and I don’t feel like keeping up my “happy” face. I obsess over things I could’ve, should’ve done. Please bear with me.

8. Earn my trust. Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t be a jerk. Make me want to love you, to let you win my heart. And always know - if you do, at least tell me. That’s way better than finding out the hard way.

9. Understand that I tell my best friends everything. Don’t get mad at me for that. Also don’t get mad when they try to protect me. That’s who they are, and I certainly can not control them. So don’t blame me.

10. Love me for me

1o songs

1. “Here I Stand” [AOL Sessions Under Cover] ~ Madina Lake

2. “The Guilty Ones” ~ Spring Awakening Soundtrack

3. “Defying Gravity” ~ Glee and Wicked

4. “Me Vs. The World” ~ Madina Lake

5. “Like We Used To” ~ A Rocket to the Moon

6. “Virginia Woolf” ~ Indigo Girls

7. “Be Calm” ~ fun.

8. “Be My Escape” ~ Reliant K

9. “Franklin” ~ Paramore

10. The song my uncle wrote for me (:

1o important people

1. My parents (yes, two separate, but it counts here, okay?)

2. Audra

3. My siblings

4. Chelsea

5. Lauren

6. Lenore

7. Trev

8. Uncles and Aunts

9. TJ

10. Cody, Josh and Eric <3

1o things that i couldn't live without

1. Audra. I don’t know if she realizes it, but she’s important. Very much so.

2. Writing. Without it, I’d lose my mind. Literally.

3. Reading. Same as ^^^^

4. Love. I’m a romantic, I believe my soul mate is out there. I just haven’t found them yet…

5. Music. I’m addicted. (:

6. Animals. Ever needed puppy therapy, people? It’s amazing.

7. My friends. ‘Nuff said.

8. Social networking sites. xD

9. My computer. 

10. …Food?