27 June 2011

what am i s'posed to do, when the best part of me was always you?

It shouldn’t be this much to ask. To have you call me back, or at least not make it so I end up calling you three or more times before I give up. To not have to feel hopeless and helpless and generally just lost in every sense of the word.
I’m simple. I really, truly am. I like to know I can rely on you, especially on such simple a thing as calling me back.
I feel like I’m just something on the side for you. There when it’s convenient and when you want it, but when you don’t…well, then you just simply don’t. Then you simply just don’t answer the phone, don’t message me back, don’t do anything.
This is why I hate the distance. It would be one thing if I could come see you more, if there were more things we could do. But with a 25 mile distance (though not grand, admittedly) there is less and less I’m finding. Rides are trouble enough – neither set of parents wants even a weekly drive either way, much less both. It’s a hassle, and I understand that. But that shouldn’t be what keeps you away, should it?
All I seem to know is that, lately, all I do is hurt. I’m granted brief reprieve when you decide to answer your phone, or actually follow through with plans (which you always seem to have some flimsy excuse to have to cancel on me for).
I love you, but I do not love this.
And it kills me how much it hurts sometimes.

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