::sigh::

Wow. I'm either extremely pathetic or extremely stupid.

I just went to A's house. In a complete downpour. In my sweats.

Why?

He wasn't even home. I got a frantic call from him ((he's on vacation)) because his best friend, who's supposed to be watching Hera ((my number one pooch)) wasn't answering the phone. So I had to see if he was there for him.

Which I did. *bangs head against nearby wall*

Here's what I told Rina, who could tell through texts that I was upset:

b/c that's something you ask your gf, who you know loves that dumb dog, to go do at 8:30 at night when you know her parents won't let her out after dark and still know she's going to go do it
because she loves you, dang it
and it's all just sucking
and oh, jeeze, what i wouldn't give to just smack him or kiss him or just SCREAM at him

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

got a short fuse, like a time bomb

Rollarcoaster? Up, up, and......dooooooooown....

He can't seem to decide. One day, he's over me and we're friends and everything's cool, and the next he's apparantly not and could do without ever seeing/speaking to me again.

((and it's tearing me apart))

It'd be one thing if he would chose one or the other. But this back and forth? It's driving me insane.

walkin' and talkin'

I'm really starting to enjoy it.

I feel like a creeper, though. I was just sitting in my living room, hanging out, and I look out the window and see A with Hera. So I poke my head out, ask if I can join them, then bolt to my room to dig out my flip flops (5o outside today, all!).

And we just wandered around, played with Hera and talked about the Paramore concert we're going to in May.

This might have been the highlight of my day. :)

lady gaga in wonderland?

Love Alice in Wonderland? Think Lady Gaga is completely bonkers?

Check out this amazing video [here] then!!

Some genius took the trailer to the new Tim Burton version and put her into it. The video flows seamlessly, and it's funny.

growing up?

Maybe that's what all this is. I honestly don't know, couldn't tell you for sure. All I know is, after trying (and failing)...maybe it's all for the best. It was an emotional rollarcoaster, on the good days - let alone the not-so-good.

I know it's going to hurt - honestly, I expected it to a lot more than it does right now. But I ran into him walking his dog yesterday (oh, how I missed Hera!) and we just talked for about an hour. Not about "us" - there is no more "us" left to salvage - but about random things. Our pasts. Him living in Reno. How to fail at being a ninja (I tried to climb a snow bank and got stuck up to my knees).

It was nice. So...I don't know. I still count him as one of my best friends, someone I would do anything for. (Along with xTainted_Lovex, greg, Paige, Rina and T.J.)

Well...goodbye old love. Hello someone new?

intelligence = brains > heart?

So...I was wrong. Yet again.

3 days into it, and he doesn't want to try anymore. It's not worth it. "It'll be better as 'just friends', trust me."

A lot to ask, since he pretty much ruined the whole "trust" thing. I really feel quite jaded; it's not worth it, I don't want to fight anymore, hello no more dating for a few years.

And now he won't even pick up the phone, tell me it's over. No. Apparently it's to be assumed.

The worst part? If he changed his mind and took it all back tomorrow, I'd forget today and all the heartbreak.

Can you say weak?

...okay then

Guess we're standing on higher, more stable ground that I thought.

And I love it up here.