Want to win some Harry Potter stuff?

one day…

One day, I will find him.

He will be dark haired, and have blue eyes, and a charming (and disarming) smile. He’ll catch me off-guard. Maybe he’ll be 

in one of my classes, or work with me, or bump into me at the mall and offer to buy coffee.

We’ll become friends. And I’ll slowly introduce him to everyone I care about, starting with those that are like family and working my way to the actual one. He’ll have to be approved by Eric and Alex (for even if we dated before, he still knows me very well), and will hopefully become friends with them. Then he’ll meet TJ, and Bren, and Audra, and Jess. And my 

family. My family will love him, by the way. 

He’ll understand my clingy nature, and not be annoyed if I call him 3+ times if he doesn’t answer. He will be spontaneous and romantic and take me on old-fashioned dates and to the bookstore for a whole day. He’ll understand when I cry during movies, and argue about Harry Potter with me. He’ll be as well-versed in books as I am, and love cheesy Disney 

movies and understand that Nutella makes everything better.

He’ll go shopping with me and not get annoyed - just tell me I’m beautiful in all the dresses I try on. We’ll spend days just 

lying in the grass, watching the clouds, and talking. 

He won’t disappear and leave me lonely. If he can’t get to me, or knows he won’t be able to call later, he’ll do it earlier and 

let me know. And he won’t cancel dates unless it’s terribly important, and he’ll never make up excuses.

He’ll get along with my friends, and his will like me too. And if they don’t and say something terrible about me, he’ll 

actually stand up for me. He’ll show them that I’m important too. 

He’ll love me.

remind me how to be happy

I don't know how to do it alone

what am i s'posed to do, when the best part of me was always you?

It shouldn’t be this much to ask. To have you call me back, or at least not make it so I end up calling you three or more times before I give up. To not have to feel hopeless and helpless and generally just lost in every sense of the word.

I’m simple. I really, truly am. I like to know I can rely on you, especially on such simple a thing as calling me back.

I feel like I’m just something on the side for you. There when it’s convenient and when you want it, but when you don’t…well, then you just simply don’t. Then you simply just don’t answer the phone, don’t message me back, don’t do anything.

This is why I hate the distance. It would be one thing if I could come see you more, if there were more things we could do. But with a 25 mile distance (though not grand, admittedly) there is less and less I’m finding. Rides are trouble enough – neither set of parents wants even a weekly drive either way, much less both. It’s a hassle, and I understand that. But that shouldn’t be what keeps you away, should it?

All I seem to know is that, lately, all I do is hurt. I’m granted brief reprieve when you decide to answer your phone, or actually follow through with plans (which you always seem to have some flimsy excuse to have to cancel on me for).

I love you, but I do not love this.

And it kills me how much it hurts sometimes.

will you let me stay a while?

I wish you could see yourself the way I do. All the planes and angles and curves of your face, your arms, your chest. All those places I have grown to know so fondly.

I wish you could look through my eyes, through my soul, see and feel all that I do. Maybe then you could understand. Maybe then you would be gentler on my heart.

it's getting harder to believe in anything

I just don't know what to do. I'm sick and tired of getting left behind, of only being there when it's convienant, of getting left behind to sit in the hallway by myself.

I went to Alex's seminar to see him, to work on each others' stuff and spend the second to last seminar ever with him. But no. No, 7 minutes into it, he gets pulled off to practice. The guy could have told him last night, but he didn't, so I got to sit in the hallway by myself and look like a complete and utter loser.

I'm sick of it.

I'm always left behind, I'm always the second choice, I'm always the last one picked. But, hey, if you have some huge problem, guess who's the first person you come to, whether you know me that well or not.

I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

*sigh*

Today started off so well, then went downhill so fast. Woke up early, got to get some Mickey D’s for breakfast, got to school early and had time to relax (if I get there too late, it stresses me out >.<)….

Then Alex flipped because he forgot a paper for Physics. 

Calmed him down, went to TA and got a terrible scene where my character has a dead 4 year old. Got to math, and we had fun because it was a blow off class today (our teacher realizes that none of us care anymore).

Fast forward to lunch.

He found out his Econ teacher lost his papers. I believe it - he did the same to me last semester. But what does he do? He depresses out, lies down and takes it, and gets in the worst mood ever. And takes it out on me.

 I know he didn’t mean too, that he’s just not a person you want to be around when he’s upset, but still. It’s not my fault!

And now? Now our big 6 month date is cancelled because he is “grounded until further notice”.

I hate everything