29 September 2009

The Party, Part XIX (19)

And…well, it seems things can’t always go as well as we all hope.

Especially for our girl. Sure, she said she was fine with the “best friend” status. Sure, she just took all her feelings and shoved them as far below the surface as she could. Sure, it killed her every time he brought up his latest crush and she couldn’t say a single thing. Sure, she wanted to explode.

But she didn’t. Not for the longest time, and it surprised her. She wanted him so badly, and yet she forced herself to keep everything buried. Forced herself to never show him that one weakness, even though she promised him honesty. It killed her to lie like that, but she knew there were times when he did the same thing to her.

She’s sick and tired of all this running around in circles.

Deep down, she knows she would be lying if she said she could handle losing him. The fact of the matter is, she’d be lost without him. He’s the closest friend she has. But she now knows the rest of the story, and it infuriates her to no end. He truly cared for her, did even when he screwed up so badly, and after. But he feels like he wronged our girl, and that’s when he says things went downhill.

But what sense does that make? His “morals killed it”? What does that even mean? Frankly, our girl thinks it’s an out-right lie, a feeble excuse meant to soothe her aches. It doesn’t. If anything, it makes everything so much worse. Makes her want to curl up and listen to Taylor Swift because, darn it, that girl knows exactly what our girl’s life is like. Every song is a piece of her story, every chord something her heart can echo.

Pathetic, huh?

Especially because our girl doesn’t want to mess anything up. At the same time, though, she wants nothing more than to at least try. They both know they’re mature enough that if they were to break up they would still be as close as they are now. So why not at least try? It breaks our girl’s heart every time it’s even remotely brought up.

And didn’t she just think everything was perfect?!? How the times have changed, and in the space of a few short weeks. As soon as the soap opera qualities are eliminated, here comes the new school year with new relationships and new drama. Except a new relationship for our girl. Because she’s just the “best friend”. Like she’s always been. Not the girl that anyone wants, just the one that everyone knows will have their backs. Even if they’ve treated her like crap. Even if she feels like crap. Because she’s herself, and she has much too big of a heart.

It’s not their fault, but could everyone stop breaking her heart all the time?

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