28 September 2009

The Party, Part XVI (16)

Apparently hoping wasn’t enough.

He doesn’t like her, a fact delivered with nonchalance over the phone. “Not like that. The feelings aren’t mutual,” he says, probably in nicer terms, but those are the only words that register. She just stands in shock in her kitchen, trying to let the words sink in. Trying to stop the numb sensation spreading quicker and quicker through her body. Surely I heard him wrong…she thinks even as she begins to realize that she did, in fact, hear him correctly. She realizes even more when later he tells her he has a girlfriend, on top of everything else, and they’ve been together for over a month.

Even as she starts to understand, though, more and more questions stand at the tip of her tongue. Why did he say all that stuff, then? Why did he promise so much when it all hinges on that one fact? The “waiting will pay off” bit? Was it all just a lie? Why was he so darn sweet to her, saying things he knew she wanted to hear? Why…why didn’t he just tell her?

She…she just doesn’t know what to think anymore.

Common sense tells her she has every right to yell at him – a fact reinforced by him saying the same thing: “Yell, please, yell at me. I know you want to.” But she can’t. Even though every part of her knew this day would come, no matter how much she wished it wouldn’t, she still wishes she was wrong. Wishes that she could do-over everything to see if it changed anything. Tone down the stubborn anger that she knew was misplaced at the worst of times. Take back some things she said, some things she did.

It seems our girl isn’t made for love after all. That’s what? Seven guys to dump her – even if they weren’t technically going out – in less than three years? Quite a bad track record, if you ask me. Especially since they were hardly creative about it. So many used the “It’s not you, it’s me,” line or “I’m not ready for a relationship right now, but if you wait we’ll happen,” that it wasn’t even funny. But every time, the same result: our girl, alone.

There are only so many times you can bounce back, after all.

Sure, she’s not old enough to be jaded about love. Sure, they think she doesn’t know a thing about what she wants, let alone what she needs. Sure, maybe they’re right and she’s just a silly little girl trying to find love like in the books. But that doesn’t stop the pain from coming every time it happens. They always have an excuse, and it seems it’s always like she’s just the girl who’s good for a friend but never for more than that.

That’s the way it’s always been, hasn’t it? Always the friend, never the love interest. Never the main character. In fact, one of those aforementioned guys only asked her out after she helped him try to win over another girl (who then turned him down, so our girl was always his “next best option”). They’ve all had their excuse, and every time it hurts more because it seems she’s fallen harder.

Happy birthday to our girl (may things start to look up).

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