Things are so confusing lately.
She doesn’t know what’s going on, and the fact that she hasn’t seen him in over two weeks is making everything that much murkier. He’s not the boy she thought she fell in love with, acting differently and saying things that she can’t make sense of when they get the, now rare, chance of talking. Things about anything, everything, that trail into, “…never mind, I can’t tell you; you’ll get mad and hang up on me.”
The only part that makes her mad is the fact that he’s saying that. If it’s going to make me mad, then why don’t you keep it to yourself then? she thinks as she rolls her eyes. Surely, if you’re mentioning it, then it must be of some significance. She’s even told him that, but she doesn’t think it held any effect over him.
She knows her anger may be misplaced, but…
But he has been a jerk lately. Instead of trying to help, work things out when he knows she’s upset or console her when she cries, he shuts down and avoids it. “If he truly cares, like he says he does, then why does he do this?” she asks her best friend. “Why does he act the opposite of how he says he feels?”
The answer is always, “You could walk away if you wanted to, you know.” Yes, she knows, but she doesn’t want to. She knows he can be a jerk, can bring in drama – the one thing she keeps trying to eliminate in her life – and can hurt her more than she cares to admit. But she doesn’t care. Everyone tells her things would be much simpler without that extra hassle, but he’s the hassle she chooses. The hassle she doesn’t generally mind.
Even he agrees with everyone else though.
“You deserve so much more,” he mumbles into the phone. “Someone who won’t hurt you near as much as I already have. Someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
Can’t you be that person? she wants to ask. Can’t you get over whatever it is that makes you act the way you do about this and be the person that loves me for me? She thinks he could be, hopes so, believes so with her heart.
But is that enough?