I have no idea what this is. Maybe beginning-of-the-year depression? But something about today makes it suck. Like, this entire week. It doesn't seem to just be me, either, which makes me feel better.
But, then again, things have not been exactly happy-making. Lost another perspective bf, still not sure what's going on with Trev...Some days it seems fine, other days it's like "Oh, yup, another one you've scared off. Good going, old chap."
And then I feel like I get so desperate that any given guy could ask me out and I'd say yes. No lie. I guess it's because I've seen too many movies and read too many books, but I want that stereotypical "high school sweetheart" romance. Someone to surprise me with roses in my locker on our anniversary. To help with homework. Cheer me on at the PowderPuff game. Take me to prom two years running.
That's all I want. Doesn't seem like much, but apparently it is. A won't even look at me - I had to speak in front of the entire class today, and (of course) he was sitting right in front of where I had to stand to talk. He wouldn't even look at me. Only at the floor.
And there's no hope with me and Eric. At all. Well, as far as I know from what he's said. Or hasn't said, since I asked and he signed off on me...
Thank the gods for my brother, at least. TJ can talk me down from anything, I swear. It's really nice to have someone like him to lean on, have my back. And to have online at the same time I'm trying to talk to someone as emotional support (:
Secret love, are you there? Will you answer my prayers?